Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
