i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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