I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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