At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
