are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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