Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
