when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
