he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
All I want is dick and wine.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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