Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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