Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
