I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
