You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
