when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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