Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize