Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize