dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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