Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
MIDGETS
????
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
