Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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