If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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