the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
