so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
