Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
