she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
