glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
