I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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