I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
