we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We had to coat check the pizza.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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