Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
