Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
