i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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