You really coming over, don't trick.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize