it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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