Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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