This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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