I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
