just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
