I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize