Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
