i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
