I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
