I heard we made out
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
