Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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