ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
