Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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