I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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