She just used a chaser for red wine.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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