who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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