She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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