yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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