Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
