He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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