WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
