dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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