sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
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