i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
