did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
