My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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