All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
