More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
