i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
