Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
