WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
