i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
