why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
