he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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