woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize