i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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