you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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