why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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