Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
