just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Is it penis luge time yet?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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