i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
